Reclaiming my Warrior

It's been a number of years now since I've felt the strength and power of my warrior.

As someone who grew up playing high level competitive sport, the force of this energy was always something quite strong within me.

But a part of me had turned away from this aspect of myself, believing, like so many others who have fallen into the trapped belief - that love and light would fix and heal everything.

Without that depth or connection with my warrior though, my love had no real impact. It was like a feather in the wind.

As I've gained deeper clarity, however, I've realised that that which you don't own will end up owning you.

This has played out in my life for many years now.

My lack of boundaries brought me unhealthy relationship dynamics.

My lack of personal will lead to victim consciousness and no real self responsibility for what I was creating in my life.

And my lack of inner authority, brought about problems with external authority. Power games, arguments and competition to name just a few of the challenges that repeatedly plagued my journey.

So after a big year of transition, it recently became clear to me that it was time to draw my sword again and own this part of myself.

I began with buying some boxing gloves, and I hit the gym with daily clearing and activation work on my solar plexus.

At first I felt fear, fear of this energy taking over me, fear of the belligerent and egoic nature of it's over active state.

But then as my centre began to stabilise and strengthen, something began to shift. An old story.. an old block.. a fear so frightening that it had taken me that many years to finally face..

And just like that, it came rushing through like a raging river after a storm.

I could feel it running through my veins, activating dormant drive and direction.

I felt strong, alive and ready for action, ready to dive into the darker depths and faster currents of life.

For the first time in years, I felt eager to hunt and to claim, to seize and to penetrate.

The darkness now didn't seem as dark as it once had, in fact I could now see and feel the gifts hiding within the shadows.

I was back, yet tapped into something greater than before, power working with me and through me. The exiled parts of myself reuniting at last.

What I’ve noticed now, after a couple months of rigorous training and self practice, is that I not only feel so much more strength and clarity, but I also feel more open and loving.

This has created more space within my heart for more courage, potentiality and power to open, and has enabled me to give and receive love with more fullness and vulnerability.

A part of me was mindful that dancing with this energy could lead to becoming arrogant and argumentative (which I did feel come through at some points)

But as I continue the work of stabilising this energy within me, I'm coming to see that the warrior isn't there to compete or dominate - but instead to support my capacity to hold and protect myself from my own arrogance and tyranny.

When we find the courage to walk this difficult but necessary path of the true warrior within us, we will simultaneously cultivate more compassion and loving impact in this world.

Which for me, is an integral piece in being able to move forward collectively with more grace and influence.